Harry Potter and the complete randomness
by nightfireoutlaw
Summary: Well it really hasn't much to do with harry potter really just hogwarts school and my friends please rate kindly this is only the first chap


Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter or any of this J.K. Rowling has written so please if J.K. Rowling is reading this don't sue please  
  
Jason was an ordinary person (lie) in an ordinary school (lie) leading an ordinary life (this is all one fucking lie). Until he got his letter, he was sitting eating his cornflakes (hmmmm cornflakes) when suddenly he heard BANG BANG BANG!!!!!!. Jason: What the fuck? Hagrid: Shit that's the second time today SHIT! Beside Hagrid was Harry Potter Jason: What the fuck? (Jason goes running into the sitting room) my door what the fuck did u do you big shit? Hagrid: Sorry well em here u go (Hagrid handed him a letter) Jason looked at the letter curiously it had everything on the address even where his room was. Wait a tick why does it have my room on it? It seemed to have a school crest on it with hogwarts on it but he hadn't applied for any hogwarts. Jason: What the fuck? Who are you and what do you want with me? Hagrid explained everything to him and then took him to get his school supplies it turned out they also got Jason's friends Sam, Marc and Matty also Jason had a second cousins uncle's aunt s dads niece dog owner twice removed great granny who was a witch who died and left him one of the biggest wizard fortunes in the world. His books were strange as well The standard book of boring and useless spells by Who Really Gives A Fuck A history of magic by Again Who Really Gives A Fuck Boring wizardry by Who Gives A Crap A Beginner's guide to turning thins into other pieces of shit by Emeric Switch  
5."Defence" against the dark arts by Professor Quirrel and lord  
Voldermort he will rein a terrible vengeance on all mortals........... SHIT did  
I write that on the book aaah crap ignore that. Jason: yeh that last book doesn't (hint hint) make him look like one of lord Voldermorts supporters Marc: I agree Hagrid: What are you hiding? I TOLD YOU NOT TO BUY THAT ENCHANTED CHAINSAW. Marc: But I didn't buy it. Hagrid: What are you talking about? Random guy: My Chainsaw Hagrid: Shit run After the experience they went into flourish and blots to buy their books I didn't take long so they decided to look at the books seeing as they had bought all their other stuff. Jason found a book on Quiddich, a rather interesting book called Animagi how to become one and hex's and curses besides the schoolbooks. While Marc found a lot of evil books. Jason: Marc where did you get those books? Marc: I just asked for the books they didn't want. Jason: Marc you scare me some times you do now that? Marc: yup Jason: right Just as he finished that word Sam came if even eviler books. Jason: This is just too freaky. Then they went to Olivanders Jason and Matty got their wands easy enough (Jason's had phoenix feather and matty's had unicorn hair) but they had to go to another wand shop and they got them wands (vampire bat hair) and they set off to buy pets for Hogwarts Jason got an owl Matty got a cat and Sam and Marc got bats. When they finished buying everything they split up for the month to finish off the holidays Jason managed to get a good broom and joined a Quiddich team. Sam and Marc got several warnings for using magic outside school and Matty well he did shit all really until the train. Jason was walking around kings cross after saying bye to his dad when he got platform nine he was kind of surprised there was no nine and ¾ then he saw Sam, Marc and Matty. Sam: I know I'll head butt the wall Jason: Don't be stup... When Sam head butted the wall he went straight through it Marc: What the fuck? Sam: they guys there is a train on the other side. Matty: He actually got a good idea Jason: Well let's go And one by one they went through the wall and boarded the Hogwarts express. On the train.... Jason: So what did you do over the summer? Marc: not a lot just tried some spells that went horrible wrong and got visited by the ministry a couple pf hundred times Jason: oh yea that's right I read about that in the daily prophet Then Jason pulled out a daily prophet with quite a long article with a moving picture of the minister of magic holding Marc. Marc: How do you get the daily prophet?  
  
Jason: Well my newsagent is a wizard so he gets the daily prophet daily Marc: cool Jason: and I learned a lot of hexes and curses myself Marc: sweet Jason: I blew up a cat and levitated the guts down the street Just then a bunch of jerks (Malfoy, Crab and Goyle) opened the carriage door. Malfoy: Well lookey here a bunch a gays enjoying a gangbang Jason: Shut up Malfoy Stupefy Malfoy: What was that come on boys Jason: What did I do wrong? Marc: nothing he is just so stupid falling boulder wouldn't hurt him Jason: True Most of the afternoon they sat there and ate chocolate frogs (Jason: I got Dumbledore again. Card: You little shit) Until the Dementor came up to the carriage The train went cold everything froze around them. Jason: What's going on? Marc: I don't know put I hope it's evil (start's grinning) The door opened a came a hooded figure a very creepy hand came Jason: HOLY FUCK Marc: Cool Sam: daaaaa brick it The Dementor moved it's head at Jason then Matty and then at Sam and Marc Dementor: Evil Evil too evil must run RUN AWAY The Dementor then turned tail and ran Jason: What the fuck? Marc: It just looked at me and ran saying evil EVIL Jason: I wonder why? Matty: Why have I so few lines? Jason: Because you're an extra Marc: Maybe we should get changed into our robes well be at school soon Jason: Your right (for once) 


End file.
